Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex *

1. Group #18 Kathryn Popp- poppk1@mail.montclair.edu Jessica Rakus- rakusj1@mail.montclair.edu Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex *

2. introduction • Main Points: • Who holds the power in your Ex relationship & how you can recover your power over a toxic Ex • Whether your addicted to your Ex and how to break that addiction • How to get resolution with any Ex & how to learn from your Exes so you can make a better choice for next time • In 1969, David Reuben, MD,. Wrote the book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* • This book primarily focused on sex education • What do we do when the sex is over–and you’re left with an Ex?

3. This book will help you to stop getting stuck in the past and to: • Gain personal insight • Erase the negative effects of Exes • Manage past relationships better • Look for the right person • Focus on your self worth and social relationships • * According to research, social relationships have been shown to be a big factor in an individuals’ post-divorce adjustment (Krumeri, 2007). * Introduction

4. Data was collected through anecdotes and stories from: • Clients • Friends • Strangers • Own experience with past relationships • Claim to be relationship experts at this point • Comparisons to other books • Reference to He’s Just Not That into You • Only statistical data the authors provide: • There are at least twenty-five million divorced people and one million more each year (Belle and Fiordailso, 2009). • No real source provided Data

5. Data Source: CDC/ National Center for Health Statistics National Vital Statistics System Provisional number of divorces and annulments and rate: United States, 2000-2009

6. DATA • Signs your ex is ruining your self-worth: • Living in the past • Your ex is the best you’re ever going to get • Accepting abusive or inappropriate behavior • How to gain your self-worth back: • Volunteer • Go out with people who make you feel good • Take care of yourself • Scholarly research states that: • Certain social relationships may actually hide your real emotions • Network relationships are better for one to over come divorce • Examples: Support groups, church community • Network relationships seem to promote all forms of positive adjustment, including global adjustment, coping, well-being, positive affect, overall happiness, and life satisfaction (Krumeri et all., 2009).

7. Also, research has been found that trying to constantly increase your self-worth and self-esteem can lead to undesirable side-effects; we should not necessarily focus on constantly trying to fix ourselves (Burr & Christensen, 1992). • Be careful! Data

8. Does the data you find refute or support the data used to support the book thesis? • In some ways, but they don’t have any credible sources to back their claims up. • Is this book actually helpful? Why or why not? • It may be good to get a good laugh from reading about people’s experiences, but it is not actually that helpful. • Is the author properly trained to write a self-help book? Why or why not? • Yes. Their degree’s are in the same field of the books topic; besides from their credentials they claim that they are “experts” in dealing with past relationships because they have dealt with their own relationships and heard from their clients. Results

9. Results • Heather Belle, MFC • Counseled children from divorced families. • Contributing columnist for eHarmony’s advice site. • Career in the entertainment business • Michelle Fiordaliso, MSW • Undergraduate degree and master’s degree in Clinical Social Work from New York University • Writer, psychotherapist, certified nutritional consultant, and a former private chef • Currently the clinical director of www.shrinkyourself.com- has been scientifically proven to help people lose weight • Contributing writer on eHarmony’s advice site on Single Mom’s Advice for Dating

10. Basically, the book wants you to: • See your past relationship(s) as an opportunity to start fresh • Move forward with your life • Don’t be obsessed • Try to be civil with an ex • Love again in a new and improved passionate way than before Discussion/conclusion

11. Future research and book ideas • Don’t use bias data collected from friends/own experience • Perform a study on the topics in the book • Collect real & reputable data • Real data would make the book more believable and reputable • Include statistics from study • Make reference to valuable data • Biased answers- not much reference to a man perspective Discussion/Conclusion

12. Are Exes really a problem? • In some cases, they can be. Can they destroy your self worth? Of course. The authors tell you to surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. • What if they’re just lying to you to make you feel better? • The authors also suggest that women are crazy and obsessive after a relationship? • How is this so? Are all women actually like this? Has there been a study on it? It seemed as if most women mentioned in this book were a bit crazy. • Having better sources in this book other than anecdotes would have made this book a much better self-help book! Discussion/conclusion

13. 10 Signs You're More Than Just Friends* Are you over your ex? Check out the video above! Discussion/conclusion

14. Who are the authors of Everything You Always Wanted to Know About an Ex? A. Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz B. Heather Belle and Michelle Fiordaliso C. Patricia Fason and Lisa Angelette D. Professor Gager and Heather Belle Answer: B Final Exam Question

15. What is an example of a network relationship? A. Your best friend B. Your co-workers C. Religious community D. All of the Above Answer: C Final exam questions

16. Which year from 2001-2009 had the lowest number of divorces? A. 2005 B. 2009 C. 2008 D. 2001 Answer: B Final Exam questions

17. Belle, H, & Fiordaliso, M. (2009). Everything you always wanted to know about an ex. Naperville, Illinois: Sourcebooks Casablanca. • Burr, W, & Christensen, C. (1992). Undesirable side effects of enhancing self-esteem. Family Relations, 41(4), 460-464. • CDC/National Center for Health Statistics. (2011). National marriage and divorce rate trends. Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss/marriage_divorce_tables.ht m • Kramrei, Elizabeth , Coit, Carissa , Martin, Sarah , Fogo, Wendy and Mahoney, Annette(2007) Post- divorce adjustment and social relationships.Journal of Divorce & Remarriage. 46 (3,) 145 -166. References