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Chapter 15

Chapter 15. Sex and Love. Quote for the day. How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as love? - Albert Einstein. What is love?. Attraction, romance, passion, intimacy, commitment . Types of Love.

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Chapter 15

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  1. Chapter 15 Sex and Love

  2. Quote for the day How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as love? - Albert Einstein

  3. What is love? Attraction, romance, passion, intimacy, commitment

  4. Types of Love • There are all types of love • There is no clear and consistent consensus on what love is or the relationship among loving thoughts, emotions, and behavior. • Romantic love is probably as old as humankind. • Two phases of love have been identified: • Passionate love • Companionate love

  5. Passionate Love Scale

  6. Theories of Love • Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love • In order for individuals to realize their full potential as human beings, Maslow believed it was necessary not only to love, but also to be loved in return. • B-Love: Being in Love • D-Love: Deficiency Love

  7. Theories of Love • Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love • Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love • Love is composed of three ingredients • Passion • Intimacy • Commitment

  8. Sternberg’s triangle

  9. Different Combinations of the Three Elements

  10. Theories of Love • Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love • Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love • Lee’s Styles of Loving 1. Eros 2. Ludus 3. Storge 4. Pragma 5. Mania 6. Agape

  11. Theories of Love • Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love • Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love • Lee’s Styles of Loving • Rubin’s Scale • 13-item love scale • Liking versus loving • Loving relationships: attachment, caring, intimacy

  12. Theories of Love • Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love • Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love • Lee’s Styles of Loving • Rubin’s Scale • Tennov’s Theory of Limerence • Intrusive thoughts about the object of passionate desire. • An acute longing for the feeling to be reciprocated. • Dependence of your mood on your perception of your loved one’s actions. • Fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in the loved one’s presence.

  13. Theories of Love • Maslow’s B-Love and D-Love • Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love • Lee’s Styles of Loving • Rubin’s Scale • Tennov’s Theory of Limerence • Other Theories on Love

  14. Chemistry of Love

  15. Attraction: Looking for Love • Physical Appearance • “Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me? • Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but the beholder’s vision is not always 20/20 • Both men and women rate personal qualities as more important than physical traits in long-term, meaningful relationships.

  16. The Top Ten Traits Most Effective in Attracting Opposite Sex Partners

  17. Attraction: Looking for Love • The Beauty Evolution • Certain physical characteristics are almost universally found to be sexually attractive • Both attracted to clean people with good complexions • Men prefer plump, wide-hipped women to slim ones • Evolutionary theorists suggest that those traits that are universally found attractive are ones that indicate good reproductive health.

  18. Gender and Sex Appeal • Looking young • Both men and women are regarded as more attractive if they are young, but the importance of looking young appears to be greater for women than men. • The attraction to young-looking women is plausibly based on biological factors, given how widespread it is. • There may be evidence that attractiveness in humans is an indicator of health.

  19. Gender and Sex Appeal • Looking young • The importance of symmetry • People whose facial and bodily features are symmetrical are generally seen as more attractive. • Evolutionary theory gives one explanation for these preferences

  20. Gender and Sex Appeal • Looking young • The importance of symmetry • What makes a pretty face? • The “average” face • Attractive men: thick eyebrows, small eyes, thin lips, square jaw • Attractive women: large eyes, small nose, full hips, prominent cheekbones, large chin, good grooming

  21. Gender and Sex Appeal • Looking young • The importance of symmetry • What makes a pretty face? • Tall, light, and handsome? • Dark skin and hair are attractive in a man, whereas fair skin and light-colored hairare attractive in women

  22. Gender and Sex Appeal • Looking young • The importance of symmetry • What makes a pretty face? • Tall, light, and handsome? • Thinness • Men are generally attracted to the “hour-glass” figure • At the height of her celebrity, Marilyn Monroe was a voluptuous size 12 • Gender gap in physical preferences • Many women develop eating disorders to be thin

  23. Gender and Sex Appeal • Looking young • The importance of symmetry • What makes a pretty face? • Tall, light, and handsome? • Thinness • Slim waist or fat wallet? • Evolutionary theory - social dominance • Women prefer taller men

  24. Tactics of Attraction for Males and Females

  25. Gender and Sex Appeal • Looking young • The importance of symmetry • What makes a pretty face? • Tall, light, and handsome? • Thinness • Slim waist or fat wallet? • The apparel appeal • Clothes contribute to sex appeal

  26. Gender and Sex Appeal • Looking young • The importance of symmetry • What makes a pretty face? • Tall, light, and handsome? • Thinness • Slim waist or fat wallet? • The apparel appeal • The marriage gradient • The “trophy mate” pattern • Women marry up; men marry down

  27. Gender and Sex Appeal • Looking young • The importance of symmetry • What makes a pretty face? • Tall, light, and handsome? • Thinness • Slim waist or fat wallet? • The apparel appeal • The marriage gradient • The effect of sexual orientation on sexual attraction

  28. Romance: Falling in Love • Proximity • Familiarity • Readiness • Similarity • Reciprocity

  29. Romance: Falling in Love • Proximity • Friendship and love can grow out of frequent interactions • Looking into someone’s eyes may be a particularly potent way to increase attraction

  30. Romance: Falling in Love • Proximity • Familiarity • Having close knowledge and shared experiences with another person • Familiarity may explain gradual decline in sexual passion in long-term relationship • Familiarity can help account for differences between heterosexual and homosexual relationships

  31. Initial Attraction

  32. Romance: Falling in Love • Proximity • Familiarity • Readiness • Timing also plays an important role in the development of love relationships.

  33. Romance: Falling in Love • Proximity • Familiarity • Readiness • Similarity • This is a key to long-term love • Similarity in attitudes, values, personalities, physical attractiveness

  34. Romance: Falling in Love • Proximity • Familiarity • Readiness • Similarity • Reciprocity • Most people like people who like them

  35. Sex: Making Love • Love and Lust • There is some evidence that sex is emotionally and physically better with the person you love. • Casual sex is far more appealing to men than to women • It is probably true that love makes for better sex.

  36. The Relationship of Sex and Love

  37. Sex: Making Love • Love and Lust • Age and experience may impact our romantic love beliefs • Research findings suggest men fall in love more quickly than women • Men suffer more than women from the breakup of a relationship

  38. The Importance of Love

  39. Important Traits in Selecting a Mate

  40. Attachment: Staying In Love • Attachment Styles • Has its roots in infancy • Ainsworth: secure, anxious/ambivalents, avoidants • Hatfield & Rapson: secure, clingy, skittish, fickle, casual, uninterested

  41. Attachment Styles

  42. Attachment: Staying In Love • Attachment Styles • Time and Passion • Successful relationships must eventually negotiate the shift from passionate love to companionate love • Passion tends to rise sharply early in the relationship • Intimacy rises more slowly

  43. The Intimacy Love Scale

  44. Attachment: Staying In Love • Attachment Styles • Time and Passion • Commitment Styles • Benefits of being in a committed relationship.

  45. A Commitment Love Scale

  46. Intimacy, Love, and Sexual Communication • Opening Lines • First message: “Notice me” and second is “I am harmless” • Universal pattern of female flirting • Types of opening lines or “grooming talk” • Men tend to be more active in the beginning stages of developing a relationship and tend to be more interested than women in the goal of sexual intimacy.

  47. Intimacy, Love, and Sexual Communication • Opening Lines • Talking About Sex • Sexual behavior is a form of communication • Discussing the sexual relationship can be difficult. • Those who communicate well in the bedroom are more likely to be happy with their relationship and engage in sex more frequently.

  48. Intimacy, Love, and Sexual Communication • Opening Lines • Talking About Sex • Talking About Love • Deborah Tannen: Gender differences in communication • John Gottman: Constructive versus destructive communication • Good communication involves listening as well as talking

  49. Constructive Communication Tactics

  50. Destructive Communication Tactics

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