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Chapter8- Revising Your Rough Draft. 9622097A Roger 9610801A Patrick Josh 9610905A Rita. 8a Principles of Revision. Revision is partly a psychological and partly a mechanical process. Psychological: The kind of adaptation of language and grammar to fit a particular audience.
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Chapter8- Revising Your Rough Draft 9622097A Roger 9610801A Patrick Josh 9610905A Rita
8a Principles of Revision • Revision is partly a psychological and partly a mechanical process. • Psychological: The kind of adaptation of language and grammar to fit a particular audience.
8a Principles of Revision • Example: • Every teacher wants his students to get good grades. • (The problem of the pronoun→ sexist) • Suggestion • All teachers want their students to get good grades.
8a Principles of Revision • Mechanical: The revision of the big and little miscues and mistakes. • The kind of errors: • 1. Grammatical errors • 2. The details of paragraphs are tedious. • 3. The contents which are too weak should find more data to support.
8a-1 Rereading your writing • All revision is based on rereading • The time of rereading your text should be at least three times.
8a-2 Revising the paper from biggest to smallest • Many instructors ask students to work their revision from the biggest to smallest. • It can make the act of revision methodical. • You can not only find the bigger mistakes and ignore the smaller mistakes (such as the misspelled words).
8b Revising the opening paragraph • Check your opening paragraph to see whether your beginning is sprightly enough to attract your reader. • Check the thesis to be sure that it is not muddled or vague
8b-1 Revising the introduction • The opening paragraph contains an introduction and a thesis. • Introduction→ the initial sentences of the opening paragraph. • Thesis→ the final sentence of the opening paragraph.
8b-1 Revising the introduction • A. Use a quotation • 1. It can plunge into your thesis immediately. • 2. The quotation can be a well-known saying or any comment which is related to your thesis. • 3. The quotation need to be suitable and can lead naturally to your thesis.
B. Ask a question • It can let you to lead your readers to the direction you want to go.
C. Present an illustration • 1. To use the anecdotes or examples are the popular openings. • 2. These kinds of openings are the truth, so it is also easy to convince the readers.
8b-2 Check that your paragraphs follow the sequence of topics in the thesis • The sequence of the paragraph should follow the points of your thesis statement. • The order also needs to consider that the same kind of points need to write continuous; otherwise, the readers will be confused.
Example: • Although drugs do effectively lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart attack or stroke (1), many serious side effects that include headache (2) and muscle pain (3), severe allergic reactions that effect breathing(4) and even permanentdamage to the liver (5) and inflammation of the pancreas (6). • Original order: 1>2>3>4>5>6 • To let readers read easily: 1>2>3>6>5>4
The sequences of the example: • 1. An introduction to cholesterol-reducing drugs that lower the risk of heart attack and stroke. • 2. Headache as a side effect • 3. Muscle pain as a side effect • 4. Pancreatic inflammation as a side effect • 5. Liver damage as a side effect • 6. Allergic reactions that affect breathing.
8b-3 Revising the body paragraphs • It’s better that the information be organized in tidbits of shorter paragraphs.
8b-4 Check paragraph transitions • They must be linked to one another by more than simple sequence, but by the locomotion of common theme, idea, or argument.
8c Revising sentences for variety and style • Variety is easy to recognize and define • Style is not easy to pinpoint.
Learn to juxtapose short and long sentences. • Ex: The name “Christopher” means nothing. Felice paid no attention. She ignored the call. But because the speaker, who turned out to be an elderly gentleman, was gracious in his comments about the tragedy of war, she listened.
Learn to subordinate • Ex: • Coordinate I arrived at Yankee Stadium, and the first inning was already under way • Subordinate The first inning was already under way when I arrived at Yankee Stadium.
Learn to use parallel constructions. • Ex: • Not parallel The king stood on the balcony. Then he decided to wave at the crowed. Later he also shook hands with the foreign minister. • Parallel The king stood on the balcony, wave at the crowed, and shook hands with the foreign minister.
8c-1Revise sentences to use the active voice • Verbs have two voices-active and passive. • The passive voice makes a writer seem objective is a myth. • The passive voice often used to shield the person responsible for an action. • Ex: Two laws protecting illegal aliens were passed.
8C-2 Revise to use an appropriate point of view • Research papers consist mainly of information found in other places that you incorporate in your writing. • Points of View • -The first person point of view: Suitable only for personal writing. • -The third point of view: In attempt to keep the writing objective.
Examples • First person point of view: In my research I found out that I would do better in reading by applying note-taking techniques. • Third (objective) point of view: Research indicates that by applying note-taking techniques would enhance reading proficiency by 45%.
Question & doubt Q: Should you ever use the first-person point of view in your research paper, and if so, when? If your instructor bans any but the third-person point of view, then you have no choice but to follow. If not specified, Ask. Safe rule to follow: Use the first-person point of view only in personal comments or in discussions.
8c-3 Revise sexist language • In your writing, watch for language that reflects the value and biases of a male dominated society. Example: A doctor should treat his patients patiently. This sentence made a sexist assumption: that every doctor is a man. Fixes: 1.Doctors should treat their patients patiently. 2. A doctor should treat his or her patients patiently. 3. A doctor should treat patients patiently.
Thon A proposed gender neutral third-person singular pronoun. This particular word solves the problem of the usage of him and he, while referring to someone unknown who could very well be female. Example: Instead of: I saw him wearing a thong. Now you can write: I saw thon wearing a thong.
8d Revising words: diction • Words choice and usage comes under the heading of diction. • Incorrect idea: Bigger word is always better. • Use words for their exactness, appropriateness and accuracy than for their size. In any case, the final decision should be based on the target audience . • "They're humid, pre-possessing homosapiens with full-sized aortic pumps?“ (Big words version) "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."
8d-1 revise diction for accuracy and exactness • The best writing is concise and to the point. • Know your topic well, so you would be exact in writing your article. • Use the appropriate vocabulary for the subject. Inexact: AIDMA is often used in marketing, and by following the five steps of AIDMA you would succeed. Exact: AIDMA is often used in marketing, AIDMA is a acronym consist of five steps Attention, Interest, Desire, Memory and Action. By following these steps you would become a successful salesman.
Concise or not? • Use as many words as you need to make your point- no more, no less. • Example: please turn to Not concise: Pg135 Concise: Pg136
8d-2 Revise the Overuse of Phrases for Subjects Instead of Single Nouns ●To simplify the subject ●Bureaucratic → concise(short and clear)
Example: • Phrase subject: Their fixed idea of racism is brought about by their long history of isolation. • Simplified subject and introductory sentence: Racism derives from their isolated history. • Or: Their isolated history leads to racism. • Example in the text book: • 2.Phrase subject: The ratification of the agreement by the board requires a vote of a majority. • Simplified subject and introductory sentence: To ratify the agreement, the board needs a majority vote. • Or: The board needs a majority vote to ratify the agreement.
8d-3 Revise Redundant Expressions What are redundant expressions? Redundant expressions are unnecessary words used to repeat what has already been said.
Example: The USnationwill announce a target plan for reducing greenhouse gas carbon dioxide emissions before next month's UN climate summit conference, according to a White House officialofficer. The “US” is a “nation”, “target” equals to “plan”, “summit” a kind of “ conference”, “official” an “ officer”, and “carbon dioxide” a “ greenhouse gas” is clear from common knowledge and context of the sentence. Revised version: The US will announce a target for reducing greenhouse gas emissions before next month's UN climate summit, according to a White House official
Example in the text book: During that timeperiodthe parkareawas populated with Indians who were sullen inappearanceand made a living by working with silver metal. Revise: During that time the park was populated with Indians who looked sullen and made a living by working with silver.
8d-4 Revise Meaningless Words and Phrases Meaningless words and phrases are fillers, blurring a style. Revising meaningless words and phrases clarifies your idea.
Example in the text book: The problem of world hunger is by and large a matter of business and politics. Basically the two become virtually entwined until for all intents and purposes they cannot be addressed separately in any given city or country. Revised version: The problem of world hunger is a matter of business and politics. The two become entwined until they cannot be addressed separately in any city or country.
8d-5 Revise Snobbish Diction Snobbish diction consists of words used not to clarify but to impress. Replacing snobbish diction with more common equivalents( words/phrases) results in a sharper and less pompous style.
Example in the text book: A person desirous of an interview must be cognizant of the fact that the interview may have dozens of other candidates to evaluate. A smart candidate endeavors to utilize the time wisely, facilitating the interviewer in ascertaining the candidate’s qualification. Revised version: A person wanting an interview must be aware that the interviewer may have dozens of other candidates to evaluate. A smart candidate ties to use the time wisely, helping the interviewer find out the candidate’s qualification.
8e Rules for Writers. Not. 1.Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2.Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3.And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. 4.It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5.Avoid cliches like the plague.( They’re old hat.) 6.Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7.Be more or less specific. 8.Parenthetical remarks(however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9.Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10.No sentence fragments.
11.Contractions are not necessary and should not be used. 12.Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13.Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous. 14.One should NEVER generalize. 15.Don not use no double negatives. 16.Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 17.One-word sentences? Eliminate. 18.Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 19.The passive voice should NEVER be used. 20.Eliminate commas. That are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21.Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 22.DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasizes!!! 23.Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 24.Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas. 25.Use the apostrophe in its proper place and omit it when it’s not needed. 26.If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 27.Puns are for children, not groan readers. 28.Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 29. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 30. Who needs rhetorical questions?
31.Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. 32.Do not put statements in the negative form. 33.A writer must not shift your point of view. 34.Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of ten or more words, to their antecedents. 35.Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. 36.If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. 37.Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. 38.Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky. 39.Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing. 40.Always pick on the correct idiom. 41.The adverb always follows the verb. 42.Be careful to use the rite homonym. 43.Proofread carefully to see if you leave any words out.