Conflict Resolution It’s the Issue, Not the Person! Developed exclusively for Dave Mitchell the Leadership Difference 2011
Conflict Resolution Methodology • What is Dialectic Thinking? • What Causes Conflict? • The Impact of Interactive Style • Intrinsic Needs • Inherent Conflict • Coping Strategies and Toxic Behaviors • The Stages of Conflict • The Rules of Engagement • Active Listening Skills
Conflict Resolution What is Classic Dialectic Thinking? A philosophy that dates back to the work of Zeno of Elea who influenced Plato, Socrates and Aristotle In classical philosophy dialectic is a form of reasoning based on the exchange of arguments and counter-arguments, advocating propositions (thesis) and counter-propositions (antithesis). The outcome of such an exchange might be the refutation of one of the relevant points of view, or a synthesis or combination of the opposing assertions, or at least a qualitative transformation in the direction of the dialogue. - Oxford Dictionary of Philosophical Quotations Stephen Covey refers to this as “Seek First to Understand” – Seven Habits of Highly Successful People
Conflict Resolution Becoming Self Aware • To truly understand the perspective of others, you must begin by truly understanding your own. • Who Am I and Why?
Conflict Resolution Becoming Self Aware • What experiences have shaped me? • What schemas do I have? (Interactive style is one) • What do I value?
Conflict Resolution Tool: How did your experiences shape your schemas? Examples: • A parent’s drug and alcohol addiction may make you more aware of others’ mental state • A rural upbringing may make you more trusting of strangers • Being an only child may make you desire more privacy • A broken marriage may make you less comfortable with sharing feelings • Parent(s) were entrepreneurs so you may have higher risk tolerance
Conflict Resolution Tool: Interactive Style Schemas Interactive style is one of the most influential schemas. Consider the characteristics related to your interactive style
Conflict Resolution Romantics
Conflict Resolution Warriors
Conflict Resolution Experts
Conflict Resolution Masterminds
Conflict Resolution Rules of Engagement • Listen • Apologize • Solve • Thank
Conflict Resolution Rules of Engagement • Conflict involves an issue, not a person. • Shift from self centered thinking to dialectic thinking, emotionally invested to objectiveness. • You must enter into resolution with a sincere desire to understand the other person’s perspective. • Keep the conflict between the two people involved • Do not use “the boss” as a mediator • Focus on only one issue • Avoid the “but reversal” • Use “I “ language, not “you” language • Do not wait more than 48 hours to begin process
Conflict Resolution Active Listening Skills • The person who initiates the resolution process should do so in the work area of the other party • State your perspective on the issue succinctly using “I” language • Listen to other person’s perspective without interruption • Use encouraging facial expressions, language and eye contact • Clarify any points of confusion • Do not judge or challenge the validity of the other person’s perspective • Write the critical points of conflict on a piece of paper • Discuss these issues and problem solve how to resolve them in the future • Each party should make a commitment to future behaviors related to these issues • Consider “Forced Empathy” when resolution bogs down • Remember, the goal is to have a broader understanding of an issue, not to win an argument
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